...pissed off...

... this is the worst week i ever had. A lot of pending and deadlines. GRABE!!! I was really tired to death. I had my OT yesterday. I really had no choice. I have to wake up early, set myself ready to work. I drop by a salon to have my nails cleaned. Of course, i just love my feet because its nice to have it colored.
... I arrived in the office with almost all papers and documents in my area. This is another tough day. But i had first thing first. Its about 12 and I'm almost hungry. Good that we have again free lunch with lechon manok and ngohiong. I finished first and i have to go back to work. Then I was surprised that everybody in the conference room were getting noisy. As i carry my mug to get some water, i was surprised to see some of my photos from my friendster account on the white board using a projector. What the hell are they doing? I saw our messenger operating the PC and from there I'm about to burst into anger. I could not help but ask for respect and banged the door. Yes, they can view me in my friendster account but not that they will viewed me on a big screen and everybody were watching. I felt embarrassed as some were giving side comments. I really hate it. I'm about to cry in my area, I don't care if they see the real Magee, I just don't like it.

...I'm a very private person. I'm not comfortable sharing my experiences to other people. Not even to my family. I'd rather keep it to myself rather than tell the whole world what's happening on me. My problems?- I just keep it. I had some crying time at night then go on the following day as if nothings happens. It's me! I don't like to share my first and past relationship to other people. I don't even want other people mention his name. Past is past and I'm pretty happy. I have let go of those things but I'm not saying I'm ready to have a new one. I don't even share it to my parents that once in my life, I was into a relationship. I'd rather keep my feelings, my problems, my burdens. I'm satisfy to be that way. I remember my old friend says " If you don't want to share, then no one will know your feelings, no one will be there to cry with you, then no one will help you carry the burden, You have to carry it by yourself." Maybe she's true.I'm still happy. Perhaps it's better this way so that other people will not worry about me. The good thing there is- it help me become mature enough and strong enough to face the storms in my life. Even stronger enough to carry my burdens alone.!!!!

...time will come

... I had my holy hour last night. I call it “Holy Hour” because at least for one hour of my time I could spend it to my God, my best friend. It was raining so hard that I was even tempted to go to sleep but the pouring of the rain just made me relax and be with him.

…There are a lot of things that cross my mind- family, work, friends, my dreams, career and of course myself. I was really asking myself, what I want in this world. I wasn’t able to answer it however, one word just made me satisfy. HAPPY! I just want to be happy with my life. I want my family to be happy. I want to be happy with the kind of path I may take.

… I am already ready this day would be very busy, how much more on the next few days, as our adjusters will be visiting GSIS areas plus the fact that I’ll be alone again here in my area. I’m afraid I can’t make it. I don’t want to turn down Sir Neil’s expectation. Not now that he’ll be handling two branches. I have already plans for our department. And I guess, my adjusters know that already. I just hope and pray, the three of us can do and perform our respective tasks.

…My morning was not that good. High-blood again. I really dunno, there are instances when I can’t keep my mouth shut. That I keep on telling words not pleasant to other people. Am I that bad? I just hate seeing someone doing nothing. I hate someone just so relax while I’m so busy. Is that being fair? All my life, I have extended an extra mile to my work. That is the thing, I’ve been telling to Leo & Omar. They may see me get mad and frown; but they can comment and rate me on how I work. Perhaps, life is just too bad for me. That I have too much work and they both has lesser than I do. It’s just like that. Time will come I will no longer complain. Time will come; I will keep my mouth shut. Time will come, I gonna have peace of mind. TIME WILL COME!

I'm confused

… I was really sick last night, perhaps because of the heavy rain yesterday. Instead of going to Ayala, I decided to go home and take a rest. It’s around 8pm when I’m in bed already. I feel relax until I felt a sleep.

… 12:45 AM, I was awake because I felt my pillows were falling down and after picking up my favorite pillow, I could not anymore go back to sleep. Things were bugging up me. So I decided to make a random list on what to do the following day. In as much, as I want to get rid of my work, but I could not. It’s as if my work is killing me everyday. My sister has been telling me if I’m tired then get up and pack my things. There are a lot of opportunities out there. If I’m not happy then find a space that will make me happy.

… Perhaps she’s true! If I was effective with my work, then I could also be as effective with other field. I remember one week I go, I just spoke with my boss. He has been asking me what my plans are. He knows that I’ll not be staying longer in the company. I could not tell him my plans since I was not yet sure of it. I just told him; perhaps I can still manage working alone since my counter part is resigning. Honestly, I’m not sure with my answer. I could see in his eyes that he has a lot of expectations on me. I don’t want to go and leave the branch hanging.

… I wake up this morning and I could feel that it’s really cold outside. I feel like not going to work. But I really have to. So I get myself ready for work with no idea what will happen this day in the office. I just cross my fingers that everything will fall on its proper place.